Real Accurate News, Procyon sector, 2947:132

FORGET HNN, HERE’S THE REAL NEWS IN 15 SECONDS:

• The 51st Legion have blockaded the Church of Stellar Flame’s cathedral ship in its orbit around Iota. Good sources say the Church has the Aleph Key. Trusted insiders says Governor Ritam al’Malklaith ordered the blockade.
• Meanwhile, a number of formerly-senior Legion officers have taken the hard way down from the Scorpio’s geostationary orbit of Aleph to the rocky planet below. Looks like there’s some house-cleaning going on.
• While the cat’s distracted by other matters… The Ashen Knives have decapitated four major crime syndicates on Warren. They’re on their way to owning the black market throughout the Rin system. Does Malklaith care? Does he fuck.

REAL ACCURATE NEWS — NONE OF THE BULLSHIT